The Name Game

Even today, the small town is distinguishable by the fact that everyone knows everyone else. The entire town turns out for weddings, funerals, graduations, even the grade school band concerts.

Children, for the most part, tend to behave better with such a set-up. If a child misbehaves, SOMEONE is going to inform his parents, every time. Wherever the children are playing, there is always an adult or two nearby, to keep an eye on things. Children grow up with an extended family of anywhere between 500 and 2000 people.

This extended family is particularly evident in whatever church or social groups the parents join. Everyone greets each family as they come in, and addresses each child by name. For most of the adults, this poses no problems. They were, after all, present at the birthing, the baptism or circumcision, first communion, confirmation. The adults know the children's names, have pinched their cheeks and said, "My, how you've grown," once a week for years. And children grow up murming a shy hello to a swarm of blue-haired faces that all look vaguely alike. What healthy child, after all, cares to differentiate between "old" men and women of their parents' generation? After the child has politely greeted the other adults, he is (depending on the situation) allowed to go play with the other kids, or, at the very least, allowed to sit in a pew and not be the center of attention.

This poses a serious problem as a child grows up. Allowed to roam the town freely by the age of eight or ten, he finds himself being spoken to by numerous adults whose names he does not know. No one thinks to introduce him. He has, after all, known these people since his birth. And, being a healthy child, he doesn't really care that much, in the first place.

The teenage years are a time of practicing social skills, separate from the family home. Teenagers join groups, clubs, churches, seeking their own identity. Now the problem becomes more serious. If a teen joins a church or a social group his family is not a part of, it's possible that introductions will be made, which ring a vague bell, but if the groups have a close association to his parents (a young persons' ministry in the same church, for example), it is assumed that the teen knows everyone.

Adults become more demanding of children during the teen years. Rather than just a muttered hello, adults expect an actual conversation, asking after family members and the like, and expecting the same courtesy. Despite rumors to the contrary, teenagers want to belong (on THEIR terms, of course). They want to fit in, to socialize, to appear older than they are. How does a teen ask after someone's family when he has no idea who that person is? If the teen has good enough social skills, he can fake it, until he gets enough clues to realize who he's talking to. If the teen is shy enough, or embarrassed enough, he will walk away, still not knowing who that was.

Most children grow up and leave home. Some, however, come back to the same community in which they grew up. Those blue-haired men and women suddenly don't look so old, and one realizes that they hadn't been quite as old as supposed. In fact, as an adult, one must work with (and socialize with) people of all ages. Now, being an adult member of a small society, it is far more difficult to fake social interactions. If one is lucky, an older friend or relative will be along to whisper names into his ear. If not, disaster is only one flubbed line away. At church, at temple, at the grocery store, the local diner, even the mini-mart, a slew of familiar faces pass by, expecting acknowledgement.

I seldom greet people, and seldom chat for more than a minute. I have a reputation for being stand-offish and rude. The simple fact of the matter is, I haven't the foggiest idea who anyone is.