Meow Mix parts 2 and 3

Corie and Zeke insist upon having their say, as well.

(Corie)

Don't listen to what Miles has to say about me. He's a scruffy old short-hair. How could he POSSIBLY understand the trials and tribulations of an elegant cat like myself? It is my sacred duty to enhance Mom's atmosphere and bring aesthetic beauty to her life. It would be uncatlike and cruel to deny her the pleasure of seeing me enhance her favorite pieces of furniture.

When you're as beautiful as I am (not that anyone, particularly a human, could ever be), you have to put in a lot of hard work. Every evening when I get up, I must attend to my toilet. Yes, I groom myself daily, even the less-than-wonderful portions of my anatomy. Long hair must be properly groomed in order to give it the halo effect so prized by humans. I consider it a feline sacrifice, knowing I bring joy to the world around me.

I must tell you, though, that I don't get half the credit I deserve. I work my tongue off, keeping myself beautiful, and does she give me tuna? Nooooooo, I have to eat (shudder) DRY FOOD. This is outrageous! And furthermore, I live in this house with two cats of (SHUDDER) PEASANT stock. Royalty is not supposed to mix with commoners, after all. Do you know, those two idiots try to drink from the human's litterbox? Urg! The horrors of living with plebes.

I suppose I could put up with Miles, if he were alone. Every queen needs an entourage, after all, and he knows his place. But that kitten! Zeke will not leave me alone. He's jealous of my beauty. He must be. Everyone is jealous. Do you know, Zeke tries to ruffle my fur and get me to play peasant games with him? Queens do NOT play chase-the-tail. Hmph! As if I would lower myself to his level.

Don't get me wrong-- if something were seriously threatening my kingdom, I would act. In fact, I have. I single-pawedly saved us from the attack of the cellophane cigarette wrapper. And of course, the strings on the windowblinds are dangerous-- a human could get caught in them. So I must give them a hiss or two and a warning pat. They need to remember who's the boss around here. And I will never forget the year 2000. That was the year of the dust bunny. They tried to take over my castle! I had to kill them, even if it DID get my paws dirty. What choice did I have?

Well, I am sure you are all commoners, and I have graced you with my presence long enough. I must nap.

Zeke

Hi people! I love you all! Big furry kisses to everybody. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. Oh wait, you in the blue-- you have a string attacking you. Let me get it for you. (Swat) Ha ha, I killed it! I'm the wonderkitten!

I love living here with Mom. She's the most wonderful human in the world. She saved me from certain death, you know. The evil humans I lived with when I was born ABANDONED me in a hot, sticky parking lot. It was scary. I climbed up a tree, and couldn't get down. I was hungry and tired and hot and thirsty. I wanted my mama so bad. I just sat in that horrid tree and cried my whiskers off.

Mom was walking by, and she saw me. She reached out and picked me up out of that tree and took me home with her. She gave me food and water, and all the snuggles any kitten could ever hope to have. I love my mom so much. Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Hey-- watch out for that pen-- it could stick you! (Pounce) Got it! Whew! You humans can't be too careful.

Anyway, as I was saying, I love it here. I've got Mom, and Miles and Corie, and life is good. Miles and Corie don't really like me too much, but I don't mind, as long as I have Mom. The other cats think I'm silly. (Jump) Got that piece of fluff, ha ha ha! Well, I'm not silly-- I just need a lot of exercise. Miles is a great trainer-- he wags his tail for me to practice my attacks on. Oh, I love attacking his tail. He must like it too, because when I attack, he just wags it harder.

Corie's a bit of a stick-in-the-mud. I try to get her to play more (Got your earring-- it's MINE now). I chase Corie through the house, and make her run up and down the cat tree. She can't just sit around ALL day-- it's bad for her health. She gets upset, for some reason, and hisses at me. Speaking of hissing, is that a snake? No? A rubber band? I'd better kill it, just in case it's really a snake in disguise (Bat). There, you're safe now, Human.

Well, it was nice talking to you, but I have to get back to protecting Mom. She's got her fur all up in a braid, and it could choke her or something. I must teach it a lesson! Bye now (((((((HUGS))))))